The Unknown

Children everywhere grow up in a single family home. I was one of tho's children. 

I grew up always wondering who my real father was. I heard stories after stories about him and most of them were negative. My mom never wanted to talk about him and her cause she believes the past is history the future is a mystery and today is a present. She told me she never wanted me to go through what she did with him, and thats all I was ever told. 

Finally 18 years later I found him, and sent him a message. 

Hoping he would respond to me, waiting anxiously I sat by my phone for 2 days. Still nothing was coming through. 

So i decided to send him another message saying 

"I can understand that this is hard for you. And i do understand that but you have to understand that I haven't seen you in 17 years. I don't even remember what you look like. I've heard nothing but negative things about you, and still am willing to give you a chance. Im not here looking for a fight, im looking for my father the man who brought me into this world and then walked away!" 

Shortly after sending that I received a message back saying 

"I am not ignoring you, i am thinking things over fully before responding. I do not want to send the wrong thing and something bad come out of this. I can only imagine what you have heard about me, and I never thought I would hear from you. I know Jim has taken my place and nothing will ever replace that relationship. You have to understand if we are in contact it's going to affect more than just you and I. You are my daughter and I would like to be involved in your life."

After reading that I cried, I wasn't sure what to say....

We started talking on a daily basis and finally met up. Things went well, and we met a few more times after that.

It's now been 6 months, and i've noticed that it doesn't seem to be going the way I was expecting and hoping for. 

I understand he is a busy person and has a life, but don't you think i should be in his life?

I send a message and say good morning, how are you, whats new, and I go weeks before I hear something back from him. 

I just wish he could understand that I am his daughter and he should put a little more effort into making things work. A relationship is a 2 way street and you both have to put effort in make things work. And it seems that I'm the only one putting effort into this. 

I want him to be in my life, but deep down inside my heart is aching, i just want to be loved and known by the man who brought me into the world! 

The Unknown will never be more then Unknown to me... 

I will never understand why he pushes me away...